What Women Really Want

Judges 14:7, “So he went down and talked to the woman; and she looked good to Samson.”

Just a warning. I will probably manage to offend everyone with this blog. Kinda straightforward in some parts. It’s really meant for my male audience…

Hate the game not the player. That’s all I got to say. Sorry, ladies, but that’s always been my understanding of how it really works. A man has got to do what a man has got to do. A man has got to be who he was born to be. Free to roam around. Little black book full of numbers. A different woman in every town. Play the field. Take the car for a test drive first. Commitment? Sorry, but that word don’t appear in my dictionary. At the end of the day any relationship that I pursue can be described with 3 simple words. Me. Myself. And I. That’s my focus. What I want. And what I need. Your needs? Not concerned. Your dreams? Not interested. How your day went? Spare me the details. And if by some off-chance I do tell you that I love you, you can be certain that it’s really just a means to an end. The only person I truly love is myself.”

Sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? It’s certainly not how all men think. In fact, the world is filled with all kinds of godly and genuine guys. So why does it seem like so many women are chasing after the wrong kind of guy? I don’t get it. I’ll never understand it. Yes, I know that some women have “daddy issues.” And there are other women whose own dysfunctional childhood has spilled over into their adult decisions. There’s also that woman who just likes the thrill of the wrong kind of guy. She’s not really interested in Mr. Right. What she wants is Mr. Exciting (especially if he’s also Mr. Right Now). Unless of course the guy in question is Ryan Reynolds. Then any and all criteria go out the window.

Now, I can’t be 100% certain that Samson was Mr. Wrong but he certainly seemed lacking in some key areas. Guys, I think we could all learn some very important lessons on dealing with the opposite sex from the life of this boorish and brutish guy:

  • True love extends beyond the physical. Repeatedly the text emphasizes that the woman looked good to Samson. It really seems as if her physical appearance was the only criteria that mattered in his evaluation of a potential bride. Tragic. I’m not against physical attraction but lasting love doesn’t stop there. A woman’s real beauty is her inner person. Her heart. Her character. Her kindness. Her purity. Fellows, if she’s ugly there, it don’t matter what the packaging looks like. In time it will end bad. Love a woman first and foremost for who she is… not what she looks like.
  • Never treat a woman like a possession. In essence, Samson told his father to go purchase his bride. In Samson’s eyes she was an object, something to be bought. He didn’t see her as a person. He only saw her as a means to an end. She existed for his own personal pleasure. No matter what our culture tries to tell us the truth is that women are NOT sexual objects. God created them for companionship, to be a helpmate. She is not some toy that is to be discarded when something new and different happens to come along. Women are not objects. They are people.
  • Try talking to her. The text makes no mention of any conversation until verse 7. Up until that point the whole relationship had been about the eyes. Samson saw her and she looked good to him. That’s it. Again, this is a generalization, but most women are designed for intimacy. The kind that involves words, emotions, and the heart. They want to share their lives. They want to talk about their day. My experience in almost 20 years of counseling is that women may indeed want their man to be strong but the part about them also being silent is a myth. Nothing communicates worth to your wife like language. Talk with her. Not to her. Listen. Be engaged in the conversation. Talk.

Well, guys, I hope that helps. Granted, I have used a very broad (no pun intended) brush in this note. But the point should be clear. A relationship built on the physical will not last. It won’t satisfy either. Maybe in the short-term but it certainly won’t last the test of time. So, if you are looking to win some special woman’s love, take some lessons from Samson. Learn from his mistakes. Look for a woman with a heart of gold and a character that reflects the God she loves. Don’t treat her like an object. But treat her like a person with the dignity and respect she deserves. And finally, talk with her. I’m not making any guarantees but your chances of success will certainly be a lot better. Even if you’re not Ryan Reynolds.